Disappointment

When I think about how deeply a child feels disappointment, it really gets me thinking. It almost emerges in their little spirits as despair! Total loss!

Yes there are lots of times we as parents can help them through something that has disappointed them and they are calm and rational (for the most part), and we are able to help them see that life is not always about getting what we want and that though this moment feels hard, they can overcome it.

But sometimes… there is not a lot I can say that will ease the discomfort of my daughters disappointment.

Most recently, we were looking forward to a weekend with our friends. We had planned to spend two nights with them in their home. They have 3 kids, two of which are my daughters age and one little toddler who Evie adores ‘taking care of” and playing with. Our weekend would be laid back, filled with lots of playing outdoors, jumping on the trampoline, and riding bikes for the kiddos, and conversations catching up on life, coffee drinking, and homemade sushi making for the adults! We couldn’t wait.

Because of what’s happening in the world right now, needless to say, our plans had to be cancelled.

I dreaded telling Evie. There had already been about 2 weeks of no school, cancelled playdates, and local playground and library closings. THIS is what she had been waiting for! I waited for the right time to tell her. I tried to get right to the point.

As soon as I began, her face dropped. She knew something was changing in our plan for the day. As the words, “we’re not going to be able to go this weekend,” came out of my mouth, she held NOTHING back. She threw her little head back in dismay and burst into tears and began yelling and sobbing! I couldn’t help it…tears began flowing down my face and through a cracked voice I managed to say, “I’m so sorry. This is disappointing for me, too.”

Right then and there, we did not hold back the sadness of missing out on the expectation of a fun weekend with friends. And if I’m honest, it was Evangeline who guided me into feeling the displeasure of the situation.

Sometimes, I think we can tend to overlook our own disappointments because we are measuring them against someone else’s disappointments. Over the last two months, school has been closed, most places we would normally go to get some mental and physical stimulation even in the outdoors are closed, playdates have been rescheduled, church services have been suspended, and many plans have been cancelled personally and professionally for us, including our annual Teen Challenge Retreat and Conference.

Now, if I were to compare my disappointment card to yours, they would probably look very different. In fact, in my small sphere of life, I know for certain that if the disappointments of others around me could be measured and weighed… they would be much heavier than mine. Like my friend whose family lives close, but because of her job, she is urged to stay away from them for now. Or a couple precious girls I know who have had to postpone baby showers and wedding celebrations. The friend who had her first baby right before all this lockdown happened and when she and her husband had decided it was time for them to bring their little guy out into the world, that was no longer an option. Or the local single Mom, who recently got yelled at by a stranger for taking her two year old into a store with her because she needed butter. That’s disappointing. When someone who knows nothing about your story decides to make a judgement on the spot about you, and your just doing your best. Or my other friend who just lost her Grandmother suddenly and was not able to visit and say goodbye properly. Or the disappointment so many kids in our community are feeling about not finishing out the school year and for some it’s their senior year! And on that note, I have to admit that I’m also disappointed about my daughter not being able to finish her first grade year with an amazingly wonderful teacher. A teacher she won’t ever have again.

When I think of the people who have lost their jobs, their homes, even their lives over this… my disappointment can seem small.

But when I dig deep, I find it’s appropriate for me to feel my own disappointments, acknowledge them, and try to move through them (not past them) as best I can. Yes, on the other side there is perspective. But my disappointments, at this particular time, in this particular circumstance, are valid and real. And I know that God sees my heart and knows the lens through which each one of us are living.

And while I’m bringing Him into this, I can think of quite a few disappointing things Jesus had to walk through while He was here with us.

Could it have been disappointing that His hometown didn’t believe in Him? Or that half the time His own disciples weren’t understanding His words or grasping His call? Or losing people in His life He loved?

The loss of His friend Lazarus stands out to me. In this story we read the famous verse, the shortest in the Bible, “Jesus wept.” Now, I have heard a couple different ideas about why Jesus may have been weeping. The obvious one is that one of His best friends has died, He wasn’t there when it happened and on top of that He missed the funeral. But the other idea is that He was grieved by the unbelief of the people closest to Him. We read in John chapter 11 that He knew while He was on His way to the town where Lazarus was that His friend was already dead, because He says this to His disciples. And once He gets there and they ask Him why He waited so long to come, and remind Him that if He had been there in time this wouldn’t have happened, and then remind Him again, when He tells them to open Lazarus’ tomb, that the body stinks now, so why open it up… this is where Scripture records Jesus’ weeping. It begs the question. Could He have been weeping at the disappointment of their unbelief?

Was it disappointing for Him to watch the disciples fall asleep while He prayed in agony in the Garden before His arrest? I think so. Was it disappointing to hear Peter deny even knowing Him three times while He was being beaten for him? I’m sure it was. And the deep disappointment He must have felt when His Father looked away from Him while He hung on a cross, bearing the sin of humanity, completely forsaken. I’m not sure I could carry that kind of disappointment.

So, I’m brought back to perspective. Is my disappointment real? It is to me and my family. Does it look different than everyone else’s? Yes. Can my Creator relate to my feelings of disappointment? He most certainly can.